What do you do and don’t do on a first date? How do you pass this “job interview” and get a chance for a second date with the guy you like?
Every Thursday I like to post a reader question from my (busy) Tumblr Blog and take a stab at answering it.
Today we’ve got a question about the do’s and don’ts of a first date, which I have much to say about, and I hope you chime in too.
You never get a second chance to create a good first impression, right?
It’s true for job interviews as well as dates.
You have to have a great first date if you want the second one.
If you say the wrong things, or fail to groom, or act like an obnoxious loon, then chances are good you’re going to stay “unemployed”.
This leads me to my most important first date do’s and don’ts:
My 5 Do’s and Don’ts for a First Date
Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how many times I hear about yet another “failed” first date – Especially from women.
Everything seemed to go great, but when the days go by and they never here from the guy again – Their heart sinks to the floor.
They have unknowingly made one (or more) of the deadliest dating mistakes women make. And they completely turned him off.
We are emotional creatures, and we have a hard time covering up the way we really feel.
When we have a crush on a guy, we want to show it. We want to say it. And we want a committed relationship (and sometimes marriage) – Right now.
The last paragraph sums up my first “don’t” for a first date.
The 5 Don’t of a First Date
We all make mistakes. Nowhere is the cliché more apt than when it comes to relationships.
#1 Don’t for a First Date – Starry Eyes
You have to understand and accept that guys NEED a challenge. It hasn’t changed in the last million years and it never will (even if they won’t admit it!).
No matter how much you like this guy, don’t tell him you loved him from the first minute you saw him. Don’t tell him he’s the perfect guy. Don’t stare at him admiringly.
And don’t tell him he seems like a great future husband and/or dad.
This gets harder if you have one drink too many, which leads me to the next don’t for a first date.
#2 Don’t for a First Date – Booze Control
I’ll bet alcohol played a starring role in some of your most embarrassing moments of your life.
Drinking excessively on a first date is a surefire way to make a fool out of yourself. Embarrassing secrets come out, falling of your chair happens, crying at the dinner table starts and being carried home (after throwing up on him) by a guy you barely know is not chic.
After that first beer, do yourself a favor and stick to orange juice. You’ll thank yourself later.
#3 Don’t for a First Date – More Than a Kiss
Sleeping with the guy after the first date is still, and always will be, one of the worst dating mistakes women make (and keep making unfortunately).
The usual outcome is never hearing from him again. Even if it was perfect, even if you felt a connection, even if you cuddled until morning and he made you breakfast in bed.
You need the guy to become emotionally attached to you before you are intimate. When he is head over heals for you before you have sex it will only deepen and strengthen your relationship, not tear it apart.
If you want to know exactly WHY guys pull away after intimacy – Here is your answer.
#4 Don’t for a First Date – Trashing the Ex
What ever you do, avoid talking trash about your ex boyfriends.
In fact, do not talk about your exes and other guys at all, unless he specifically asks about them (he probably won’t).
Guys want to be excited about a new relationship, instead of feeling they’ll have to “clean up the mess” from your past relationships.
Plus, trashing your ex will make your guy realize that this is how you’ll talk about him too, sooner or later.
#5 Don’t for a First Date – Negative Self-Talk
There’s nothing more attractive than a confident woman. And there’s no bigger turn off than a woman who obviously doesn’t like her self.
Even if you’re just trying to be funny, don’t do it at your expense.
Remember, the way you think about yourself and talk about yourself is the exact way he’ll think about you. Period.
More about how to attract any guy you want – HERE.
The 5 Do’s for a First Date
I’ll skip the really obvious ones, like eating what ever you feel like, dressing comfortably and doing some breathing exercises to avoid hyperventilation.
#1 Do for a First Date – Focus
Concentrate on him – put away your phone. Listen to him.
A foolproof way to ensure that conversation will always be flowing is to simply ask questions. Keep them semi-general: Ask about work, his family, his hobbies, pop culture, and his favorite music.
(But don’t ask him how much cash he pulls in, his exes, politics and religion).
Here’s my post about 88 fun questions to ask a guy you like – For some great ideas.
And please, put away your phone. Instagram can wait. If it can’t, you’re not ready for a relationship with a human yet.
And don’t snap any candid pics when he’s not looking. That’s just weird.
#2 Do for the First Date – Simple but Deadly
Here’s a simply yet deadly “trick”:
Smile. A lot.
Guys immediately look for your smile. This is the easiest and most obvious way to make a good first impression on your date.
Smile often, though not all the time of course. When you smile, he smiles back at you.
Just smiling at him while looking in his eyes can be the beginning of a great love story, believe it or not.
Warning: This “trick” will backfire if you’ve got some broccoli stuck in your teeth. That’ll ruin the moment, right?
#3 Do for a First Date – Respect
We are all controlled by our ego (mostly), but guys are especially tricky. Their ego is extremely sensitive to respect.
In fact, a recent survey found that guys would rather be unloved and alone than unrespected. Most of them consider these 2 feelings as the exact same.
Unrespected = Unloved.
You may not be aware of it, but you can make a guy feel unrespected, completely unknowingly. And if you do it all the time, it may be the reason you can’t keep a man (or think you can’t).
(James Bauer explains all about it and how you turn any man from distant and cold to adoring, loving and ready for commitment – Using the respect principle.)
#4 Do for a First Date – Stare
Staring into someone’s eyes: It’s the oldest rule in the book. It indicates that you’re confident, honest, and interested in this person—all of which can make a date’s heart skip a beat.
Try not to look away when it gets awkward. If you want to be flirty without being obvious, let your gaze occasionally “dance” from one of your date’s eyes to the other, back and forth, which conveys excitement and creates a flirtatious mood.
# 5 Do for a First Date – Pay Up
In 2014, this is a non-breakable rule. A tactical way to do this is to reach for the check when it comes. If he insists, offer to split the check or at least leave the tip.
He’ll probably decline, but you can always offer to pay for the cab, the movie tickets, whatever.
What ever you do, don’t let him assume you think you’re entitled. A huge turn off.
Conclusion
A stunning first impression is not the same thing as love at first sight. But surely it is an invitation to consider the matter.
First of all, breathe. You don’t have to memorize these tips and write them on the back of your hand before you go.
The most important tip for a first date is to be as relaxed and easy-going as you can.
If you keep your calm, all of these “rules” will work for you effortlessly.
I’m sure I’ve left out a few more do’s and don’ts and I would love to know your input about this question…in the comments below.
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
Related Posts
The 3-Step Simple Plan to Get Him to Fall For You
How to Flirt with a Guy – Without Being Obvious
How to Turn a Player to a Stayer
How to Bore-Proof Your First Date With Your Crush
* Images Source: Buzfeed
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